You weren’t there today…and it was okay; I felt your absence and I would have wanted you there. I know this probably feels intense, heavy, dense, big…I hope you can recognize, much more than any of those things, it’s honest.

Please, just let it be that…honest. Not heavy or intense, just true.

It’s honest, it’s true, and it’s me. This is a part of me; I carry this because it’s worth it to me. Please know that. Also know that it is mine to carry, if anything in here makes you think or feel like you have to carry any of this…stop it! =) this is mine…you carry your own. If you want help carrying yours, or you want to help carry mine…we could probably work something out.

So, it’s honest, it’s true, and it’s mine to carry.

I am so thankful for you, for the person you are, for the consideration you have for me in your life (all the Arby’s you were always willing to bring and often without prompting, just because you cared enough to think about me on the way past, for the moments you noticed I was struggling and tried to help and be present, for the offers of coffee and sharing your amazing culinary skills with my mom and I, most of all for being supportive and encouraging…for being just you).

I am unwilling to let pride, confusion, frustration, fear or shame come between us.

I accept you, all of you…and I value every bit of you as much as the next. your secrets and shame and sadness I consider and value as much as your laughter and compassion and kindness.

You know that feeling you had as a child, when you didn’t really have a care in the world, before life made you grow up. You didn’t think about love or why people are in your life or how people consider you. Back when you only vaguely were aware that others keep living their lives when they aren’t around you. Remember the warm, safe, accepted feeling of belonging…of home.

That is how you make me feel. You feel like home.

Remember, honest, true, mine to carry.

And I’m not saying you are always this way, that sometimes you aren’t confusing, and frustrating and distant. You can be, and in those moments, you are still so worth it!

So, no matter the distance, no matter the time, no matter the position in which life finds you…know that I am here, that I want you to be in my life, that you are important and you are not alone or abandon, there is no shame I won’t embrace, there is nothing to egregious to be forgiven. Remember, not in a dense, big, heavy, dangerous way…in a true, honest, safe and real way; that you are loved and accepted, you are wanted and enough. You are worthy and you really are worth it!

Remember, mine to carry, go get your own! =)

Keep smiling, you’re worth it!

Always Yours

me